The Men's Room

I promise you that all of my blog posts will not center around the restroom, but with that said... The habits of people using the men's room in my office area has always been a source for bemusement, puzzlement, revulsion and even at times a certain amount of fear for me. Let me start with the people who insist on using the restroom as their personal grooming and hygiene center, I refer to these people as "Campers". I'm not talking about someone who comes in and quickly combs their hair, no I'm talking about the guy who brings in a duffle bag of toiletries and spends the first hour of each working day shaving, brushing his teeth, flossing, cleaning his ears, styling his hair, etc, etc, - in other words, all the stuff he should have taken care of at home prior to coming to work! For the life of me I just don't understand this because 1) We are, after all, not being paid to brush our teeth for an hour and B) I usually want to spend about as long in the men's room as I can hold my breath. Next on my list is the "cell phone user". Okay, okay, while I still think it's rude for people to whip out there cell phones and talk anywhere they please (in line at the grocery store, at dinner, at a funeral, etc,) I have come to accept this behavior (or at least ignore it) as part of the advancing technological age. However, I cannot accept the use of a cell phone in a men's room. I'm not sure why but it just grosses me out! It's on par with eating lunch in there! I can't count the times I've been in there (quickly) doing my business and I hear someone in the next stall answer their cell phone "Oh hi honey, yeah I'll be home around 5:00pm. Do you want to go out to dinner at…FLUSH!!!" I mean come on! There is a time and place for everything, and talking on the phone while using the can ain't the time or the place! Lastly (though granted, I could go on and on) the worst bathroom offender is the "bathroom buddy". This is the guy who will walk into a bathroom with 10 empty stalls and choose the one that's right next to the one I am in and try to start up a conversation with something like "How's it going?". I'm always like "Is this person actually talking to me??" Does he actually think I want to strike up a discussion on how the Seahawks are doing? Hey buddy, alls I wanna do is jettison out of this stall before I smell anything that's going to ruin my lunch appetite. Cardinal rule # 583 in Barry's Book of Bathroom Etiquette - Leave as much space between you and other users of the bathroom as physically possible, and for gawd sakes NO TALKING!!"