The Fruits of My Labor (or is it the Labor of My Fruits?)

I like most fruit, apples are especially good. But recently fruit has become my nemesis. Let me explain... When I purchased my house I didn't just get a house, no, what I got was a mini-farm. A fruit growing farm. I have cherry trees, apple trees, plum trees and pear trees. There are five apple trees and they are all different varieties. In total I have 12 trees in my yard that bear fruit. Some of these trees are 40 feet high (the pear tree is as high as my two story house). That's a lot of fruit. I also have two 20 foot long rows of raspberries and a row of blueberries. There was a reason the pioneers settled in this area long ago, the soil is rich with nutrients and anything you plant in it will grow like it's been juiced up on steroids.

I am overwhelmed with fruit. Funny thing about fruit - it doesn't stay on the tree. So ya see, what I have now is fruit fly heaven. I can't possibly pick all the fruit and I've given away about as much as my friends can stand. On several occasions I have walked around my yard and picked apples and pears and plums, taking a single bite out of each one and then chucking the remainder in the bushes. I probably managed to reduce my harvest by about .000001% - and quite frankly I am getting sick of eating them...I don't care how good it is for ya. For god sakes just give me a big bag of nacho cheese Doritos!
See the tallest tree in this picture? That's a pear tree...we are talking literally hundreds of pears...I don't even like pears. The tree that the ladder is under is a Plum tree. If I wanted to use my hot tub I'd have to strap on a helmet.

I've had several people give me ideas of what I can do with all this fruit. Make apple cider they say, or jam. But ya know what - that's a hell of a lot of work. I think my best option right now may to put a "U-Pick Free!" sign out in front of my house. Really though, even though it is a bit of a burden to have all these fruit trees it is pretty cool and all in all the "mess" they make is only for a short period. But let me tell ya, sometime around the middle of February my quiet little neighborhood is going to hear the sounds of chainsaws as I whack these trees down to little fruit bearing bonsai trees!

If you think dog poop is bad, try having several hundred rotting apples, pears and prunes in your yard!